Parenting Tips: Are you scolding or demeaning your kids? 3 things to watch out for |

Children have a heart so soft that even your words can impact their well-being. Parents really need to examine the communication with their little ones, especially when they try to correct them. Parents need to understand how to differentiate between constructive correction and demeaning behavior. Here are the signs that scolding or demeaning can have a significant impact on your child’s psychological health:

1. Labelling

According to Jitendra Karsan, chairman, Safari Kid, “Using terms like ‘bad’ or ‘naughty’ can target the child’s identity rather than their action. This often leads children to internalize these labels, making them believe that these spoken adjectives are part of their own identity. Realizing they have made a mistake, they start to believe they are the mistake. Perpetually labeling can put down your kid’s self-esteem, generate feelings of shame, and further demotivate them from trying to improve, because they start thinking that their actions define who they are.“

2. Harsh Scolding

Using a harsh tone or yelling at your child by raising your voice at them or using phrases like “Shut up!” or “How many times do I have to tell you?” can have adverse effects on children. Experiencing moments of parental frustration is normal and natural, but the loud and aggressive tone could typically instill fear rather than understanding, which can lead to abiding by anxiety rather than respect or logic. A more effective approach to this can be done by using a calm but firm tone, such as saying, “I need you to stop jumping on the couch, because it’s not safe,” or offering phrases like “let’s talk about or I want to understand…” The psychological effect of repetitive yelling on children can cause chronic stress in young children, leading to anxiety, emotional withdrawal, or behavioral problems, eroding the sense of safety and trust towards their caregivers.

3. Criticizing or shaming

Publicly shaming or criticizing your child in front of others, whether friends, siblings, or even strangers, can be detrimental. Making comments such as, “What’s wrong with you?” Or “You never listen” can simply magnify your child’s embarrassment and severely damage their confidence, leading to bitterness and withdrawal of trust and respect they have for their parents. A much better approach is to correct the child privately by taking them aside to say, “Let’s take a moment to talk about this,” or by reflecting on the incident with a question like, “I noticed you got upset. What happened there?” Public shaming can be profound, which can deeply instill humiliation within the child, making them fearful to express themselves and potentially causing long-term harm to their self-image and peer relationships.

Children are incredibly perceptive, and from a very young age, they start developing their sense of self based on how adults interact with them. Therefore, when correcting them, it is essential to be firm yet kind while ensuring boundaries are understood and their dignity is preserved.